There are several different ways we can think about, and work with anxiety, which I’ve summarised below. Please feel welcome to try out the exercises to get a feel for how I work.
fight/flight/freeze
From a biological perspective, anxiety is the triggering of your body’s sympathetic nervous system, warning us to prepare for danger. Symptoms include shaking, shivering, a dry mouth, fidgeting, sweating, dizziness, fainting and itching. Emotions involve intense feelings of fear, panic and urgency, confusion, aggression, or brain fog and the inability to think.
We are hardwired to respond to danger this way. Our sympathetic nervous system delivers adrenalin and cortisol into our bodies to ready them to cope with the threat. Back in the stone-age, this was a very useful response. It meant that when we were faced with, for instance, a hungry tiger, we would be able to climb a tree, or pick up a weapon to fight, or find a place to hide. In the modern world this reaction is still useful, but not in all situations. The problem is, the brain can’t tell the difference between a tiger and a job interview, or a relationship problem, or a public speaking engagement. Danger means danger, and triggers the same reaction in our bodies.
We are programmed to want to get rid of anxiety as quickly as possible, because on a biological level this will then mean we are safe. But if we don’t succeed, and the anxious feelings remain, we can get caught in a feedback loop, engaged in a constant battle. This can lead to panic attacks and overwhelm. Try an exercise to help calm your sympathetic nervous system here.
messages from childhood and society
Another way of relating to anxiety is as a complex set of emotions and feelings concerning the way we exist in the world. As we grow up we have experiences that may cause us to feel intense fear, shame, sadness or anger. These feelings are often not welcomed by parents/schools/society, and are treated as undesirable, unacceptable or destructive. They feel dangerous to experience and we try to banish them from our lives, although by doing so we often add to our own suffering. By gently opening up to our feelings and sitting with them, we diminish their power to control our actions. Have a go at this here.
the seeds of our values
Often the things we worry about most are those we care most deeply about. They are like the flipside of the same coin. By identifying our values we can learn to harness our anxiety in the service of moving towards what matters to us. Try out an exercise on values here.
your mind thinks it is protecting you.
That endless stream of negative thoughts, ruminations, procrastination and self-doubt are actually your mind’s way of trying to protect you and keep you safe. By running though worst case scenarios, you are preparing for all possible outcomes, By ruminating on what has already happened, you can stop it from happening again. And if your anxiety causes you to cancel an arrangement, then your mind has succeeded in keeping you safe from the horrible anxious feelings you would otherwise have experienced had you participated. The problem is, this protective part is in overdrive, hyper-vigilant, a safety-monitor who can’t relax their grip. By taking a step back from our mind, we can learn to relate to this protective part so that it has less power over our everyday lives. Have a go at this here.
the only time we have is….
…the present, although most of us find it hard to stay there. Anxiety pulls us into the future, playing out possible scenarios, undermining our plans with survival strategies like self-doubt and criticism. Thoughts like ‘you might fail,’ you’ll mess up,’ ‘everyone will realise you’re a fraud’ might crowd in. Though it might seem hard to believe, these thoughts are doing their best to protect you. After all, if they lead to you cancelling or avoiding arrangements, you won’t have to feel those anxious feelings. By learning to stay in the present moment we give ourselves agency to take action when it matters. Try this simple presence exercise here.