I believe that we can deal more effectively with our emotional distress if we learn to change our view of it. Traditionally, difficult thoughts and feelings have been seen as undesirable, to be challenged, fought with or ignored. But current research shows that in fact emotional avoidance is often at the heart of our suffering. The more we try to get rid of our anxiety, the more it shows up, usually when we least want it to. Long-lasting, effective change is more likely when we are able to turn towards our distress with curiosity and compassion, and engage with it. I work with people to identify and explore their anxiety in a way that lessens its grip on their lives, and allows them to focus on the things that are important to them. To do this I use a blend of therapeutic models including Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), a behavioural therapy rooted in clinical research that is effective in treating a wide range of issues including anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD and many more. I use ACT alongside compassion-centred and body-focussed processes to tailor a creative approach that harnesses the power I believe we all have within us to heal and to grow.
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An acceptance approach to anxiety
Try not to think of a bear.
video of paper ball.
How do we learn to hold anxiety differently?
Triflex
What does this look like?
Be here
Open up
Do what matters
OCD
What is an acceptance approach to OCD?
OCD as a coping strategy, not as a brain disease, not as your enemy.
Acknowledge – explore the story of your OCD. Is it related to a traumatic event or situation, or do you feel it’s always been with you? Recent research shows that exploring the roots of OCD can help people make sense of it and make it easier to work with. Understand it as a response to life, and as a part that is trying to help.
You are encouraged to identify your obsessions and explore some of the thoughts and core beliefs that underpin them.
Allow – whether or not your OCD was triggered by a trauma, living with OCD feels like experiencing trauma on an everyday basis. Our sympathetic nervous systems are constantly on stand-by, flooding us with adrenalin and cortisol to try to help us deal with perceived threats and prevent feared outcomes. It’s very hard to treat our thoughts as ‘just thoughts’ when they are connected to such an intense emotional response in our bodies. An acceptance approach to OCD includes helping the body to feel safer, by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. When we are in this state, we are more able to stay present and work with thoughts when they arise.
As it becomes easier to stay in the present, somatic tracking is used to expand our ability to connect with our body and allow whatever feelings are there. We don’t have to like or want the feelings, only find a way to accommodate them. It’s important to distinguish between somatic tracking, which shines a friendly, curious lens on our internal process, and the somatic checking that can happen in OCD, during which the body is viewed through a lens of threat and danger.
We work together to identify your compulsions and avoidance strategies, and the thoughts that underpin them and make them so hard to ignore. We use acceptance processes to gradually create space and flexibility around those thoughts, and accommodate the feelings that accompany them.
We identify your values – the things you believe in, that you want for yourself. We use these to create willingness to experience the difficult thoughts and sensations when you are challenging your compulsions.
Over time, you can choose obsessions to work on, and we can develop strategies to help you to respond differently to the urges and compulsions that show up.
anxiety is normal
Anxiety is a normal and natural response to the precarious, fragile experience of being human. It is the way we deal with it that causes problems. I believe our attitude to emotional distress, especially in the West, has been less than helpful, attributing difficult thoughts and feelings to disorders that need to be ‘cured’ or ‘fixed’. This isn’t to say that mental illness doesn’t exist – but I believe that for many of us, our distress is more often linked to our upbringing, life events or economic background, and doesn’t need to be treated as a disease. In our sessions together I will help you to learn new ways of relating to your anxiety, so that it has less of a grip on your life. You will learn skills that will provide you with tools to take out into the world and start using straight away. Find out more about anxiety and how I work with it here.
the mind thinks it is protecting you
Your mind is trying to keep you safe – it has evolved to monitor the environment constantly for threats. Back when we lived in caves, this made good sense. After all, there could be tiger just around the corner. Being hypervigilant meant we could activate our fight/flight/freeze response quickly and ensured our survival. In the modern world, though, it is not always so helpful, because your mind can’t tell the difference between a tiger and a job interview, or a relationship, or a public speaking engagement. A threat is a threat, and once your mind has identified a trigger for your anxious feelings, it will work hard to protect you from them. The trouble is, this protection often comes in the form of problematic behaviours like avoidance, panic attacks or OCD. By working with our anxiety as a survival strategy that doesn’t always serve us, we can develop new resources that enable us to respond more helpfully when anxiety shows up.
the only moment we have….
…is the present, and most of us find it hard to stay here. We are constantly dragged back into the past (regret, rumination, depression), or pulled into the future (anxiety, worry, hyper-arousal). By drawing attention to what is happening moment by moment in our work together, you can learn to inhabit the one place where you have the power to make changes. For more information see my section on being present.
sitting with it
Most of us grow up with strong messages from family and society that certain feelings and behaviours are undesirable, shameful, embarrassing and destructive. We hide and suppress so-called negative emotions and criticise ourselves (and others) when they show up. We try to avoid difficult feelings, and this emotional avoidance leads us to rigid thought processes, and pain that has nowhere to go but inwards. Sending these feelings into exile can make them seem powerful and dangerous, and we are ashamed and afraid to acknowledge them. Yet, learning to turn gently towards these feelings can soften their impact on us, and liberate us to respond more flexibly when we are triggered by them. This process is called psychological acceptance, and you can try it here.
there is meaning in your pain
When it comes down to it, we worry because we care. And often the flipside of our pain shows what is most precious to us in life. If we ignore our own suffering we risk denying the truths that can give our lives meaning and purpose. By identifying our values and what matters most we can take practical steps that go in the direction we want to follow, and learn to walk them even when anxiety shows up. Start identifying your values here.
move towards meaning
We are taught to pursue happiness, yet it is a transient state that we can never expect to inhabit permanently. By shifting our focus towards meaning and purpose we acknowledge both the joy and the suffering that make up a richer, more fulfilling experience of living. Explore this further here.
having said all that….do what works!
Sometimes, however, avoiding our experience works. For instance, taking paracetamol to suppress a headache is a good option when we want to get on with our day. Avoiding things isn’t always a problem. We don’t have to embrace every feeling that comes our way! But when we can’t get rid of our difficult thoughts, feelings and sensations – when they keep coming back, no matter what we do – then it’s time to try something new.